Bye 2017

Well deng, another year came and went. And it was another fricking year wasn’t it? Whoo boy.
Besides the obvious world-on-fire-everything-is-scary stuff everyone had to deal with, a whole lot happened in my personal life. And when I say a whole lot, I mean not a lot happened, but it was still super sucky.

Camera: Nikon Lite Touch AF
Film: Kodak Portra 160

2017 was the year that the person who said he wanted to grow old with me, told me he had never been in love with me.
That happened a few months after I found out he had been cheating on me during our entire relationship.

Yup. That happened.

Since I was already in a pretty dark place when this all went down, I spiralled into an even darker place. And I ended up being diagnosed with depression. I’m currently still trying to find the right therapy, that will help me with my depression, while also taking my physical disabilities into account. This has proven rather tricky. Plz to all cross fingers and toes I find something soon, ’cause shit’s hitting the fan in my head and it’s not good.

Those two things seem to have made 2017 a year that feels like one big dark blurb. It feels like it only started yesterday, and at the same time some days this year have felt like decades.

I’m doing my best to climb out of the darkness though. And maybe I’ll start using this blog again as a way to do just that.
For now I’ll leave you with another video (hello yes never not using my blog for videos it seems hello sorry), I promise it’s a good one ❤

Yes, that was my face the entire year of 2017! Fun times, dark times, all the times! See you soon cuties ❤



NDSM werf, somewhere around januari 2014. (made with my Olympus AF-10 and I think it was an agfaphoto filmroll)
NDSM werf, somewhere around januari 2014. (made with my Olympus AF-10 and I think it was an agfaphoto filmroll)

When I think back to how this year started, and how it is now, I get a little overwhelmed and panicky. As I think is the case for most people, it’s incredible to think about how quickly your life can change. And the scary part is, you don’t even really realise it’s happened. Not until you take a moment to look back.

I’m not doing very well, which has given me plenty of moments to look back. And my dear stars, has it changed. I feel like my whole outlook on my life has done a complete 180. Especially when it comes to my illness. I am so much more accepting of my disabilities, it’s incredible. I won’t say I don’t still hate it, that I can’t do all the things I want to do, but I am more at peace with it at the same time.
I still have trouble pacing my activities, I still tend to do much more than I should. But I am doing less than I did before, and I am getting better and better at realising when I am taking my body a step too far. Which doesn’t always stop me, but hey, at least I noticed it in time, AMIRIGHT?!

Apart from that, there are also other changes going on in my life. Saying goodbye at my old job, not working for a few weeks, starting a new job. Which are some pretty major and weird and aaaahhh-freaking-out-now changes. But also a new pink haircolour, a kitty proof balcony so we can all three hang out in the sun together, some new people, some old people, some new old people etc, etc. Some of the changes are freaking me out, some of the changes are making me sad, some of the changes are making me (very) happy, and some of the changes are making me both sad and happy at the same time.
Which is probably how it all should be, cause that’s just life I guess. But just, weird, you know, life?
But good weird. Definitely good weird.

Cloud porn. Part one.

Oi babes! It has been such a while since I made a blogpost, I cannot believe it!
I haven’t had a great couple of months, and well, I’m still not great. I have been extremely tired, and in a lot of pain. But I’ve also been busy trying to not feel any of that by doing fun stuff. Which didn’t really work, cause I got more tired and had even more pain. But it made me happy, and I needed to be a little happier. And now at last I feel like writing again, so that’s something, AMIRIGHT?!
I figured a bit of porn was the best way to get back into this. AWEYIS.



NARWHAL CLOUD! Do you see it?! YAAASSHHHH?!?!?! Narwhal cloud ❤


Okay, as you can plainly see, these are some straight up amateur shots. But I’m going to blame the maintenance crew of the airplane. Cause that window was just plain filthy.
But I was flying to Mallorca with my mother and my sister, so I wasn’t too mad.
Which is one of the reasons why I’m a little happier then I was a while back. Cause I went to Mallorca. With my mother and my sister. I went to Mallorca. Let me just repeat that one last time. I WENT TO MALLORCA.

Did I mention I went to Mallorca?

Lowlands Memories

This weekend is extremely normal and extremely weird at the same time.
I went to the Pixar Expo yesterday with sweet people. I’m resting and relaxing at home today and tomorrow. Nothing out of the ordinary really. Mentally preparing myself for the fact that the new school year starts this monday. Nothing weird.
Apart from the fact that A Campingflight To Lowlands Paradise is happening in Biddinghuizen as we speak. And this year is the first year I won’t be attending since 2003. I’m not there for a bunch of reasons, my health of course being the obvious one. But there were other factors included in my decision to not buy a ticket.
It feels weird. It has been the highlight of each year for the past ten years. It’s my home away from home. It’s only once a year and I’m not there. ALL THE FEELZ, ugh.
I was fine up until yesteryday, when it was 13.00 and I wasn’t waiting in line to enter the festival terrain. I’m not there drinking yucky beers and sleeping on my 3fm blanket. Seriously guys, ALL THE FEELZ, there are just too many.

So. This seemed like the perfect excuse to reminisce. Ten years of Lowlands all piled into one blog post. So I’ll be sure to miss out on loads of things. Cause the brains ain’t working like they used to. But maybe Lowlands is partially to blame for that. And I’m not picking out the best photos, just a random selection to show some different things from the festival. And some youtube links. Cause for me there’s nothing better than watching videos from the shows I’ve seen, best way to fully remember everything ❤

Continue reading “Lowlands Memories”

Summer, summer, summertime, ooohhhh summertime.






Oioioi, what an awesome summer we have here in Holland! Apart from some (much needed and welcome) rain last weekend, it has been sunshine and blue skies almost each and every day. Incredible ❤
Today it is particularly hot. So me and the kitties are staying in. Enjoying my cool living room and lot’s and lot’s of lemonade with ice cubes. And I made these cookies, but with peanut butter and coconut added this time. YUM.

Yesterday I went to Artis Zoo with Anne and Mirjam. Who are both pretty darn awesome people. And we saw baby capybaras. Which was just about the best thing ever. In the whole entire world. And universe. No but seriously. Baby capibaras are the cutest thing. Ever.

Now please excuse me while I go make some more lemonade. With ice cubes in. While I day dream about baby capybaras. Yes please thank you very much.

And I swear to the stars, this girl is crazy. Even on hot days like these she prefers to lay in the sun. Gekke Sjonnie <3
And I swear to the stars, this girl is crazy. Even on hot days like these she prefers to lay in the sun. Gekke Sjonnie ❤

Let’s get this summer started

Today is the first day of my six weeks of summer holiday. (six?! Yes six! Let that sink in, and consider changing career to working in education ;D)
Six weeks of not having to work, six weeks of making my own plans, six weeks of no alarm clock, six weeks of sun (please universe?!), but most importantly six weeks of having fun with friends and family!
Living with a chronic disease, means not always having time to spent with the people you love, cause you need to work to pay rent and all your energy goes into that. But these six weeks will be spent trying to see as many people as possible as have as much fun as possible!
(oh and I’ll be doing rehabilitation at home to improve my concentration and stamina and such, but that’s no fun to blog about ;D)




As if the universe knew my holidays were starting, the weather was awesome today. Which was perfect, because I had a lunch date with one of my oldest/dearest/bestie/bff friends, Renate! We went to Hanneke’s Boom. The perfect place for a summer date ❤