Well deng, another year came and went. And it was another fricking year wasn’t it? Whoo boy.
Besides the obvious world-on-fire-everything-is-scary stuff everyone had to deal with, a whole lot happened in my personal life. And when I say a whole lot, I mean not a lot happened, but it was still super sucky.
Camera: Nikon Lite Touch AF
Film: Kodak Portra 160
2017 was the year that the person who said he wanted to grow old with me, told me he had never been in love with me.
That happened a few months after I found out he had been cheating on me during our entire relationship.
Yup. That happened.
Since I was already in a pretty dark place when this all went down, I spiralled into an even darker place. And I ended up being diagnosed with depression. I’m currently still trying to find the right therapy, that will help me with my depression, while also taking my physical disabilities into account. This has proven rather tricky. Plz to all cross fingers and toes I find something soon, ’cause shit’s hitting the fan in my head and it’s not good.
Those two things seem to have made 2017 a year that feels like one big dark blurb. It feels like it only started yesterday, and at the same time some days this year have felt like decades.
I’m doing my best to climb out of the darkness though. And maybe I’ll start using this blog again as a way to do just that.
For now I’ll leave you with another video (hello yes never not using my blog for videos it seems hello sorry), I promise it’s a good one ❤
Yes, that was my face the entire year of 2017! Fun times, dark times, all the times! See you soon cuties ❤
I put some music over part two of the weekvlog, and here it is! It's a bit more me talking, which can be nice if that's your jam. If not, sorry not sorry, there's still lot's of cute cat shots in between the talking to make up for it though.
(also there's my sweet mother helping me, a pretty awesome houseparty, my sweet sweet friends, my kick ass sister, and even more cute cat shots.)
And I promise I'll come back after christmas to write a proper blogpost about what I've been up to the past year (spoilers: not a lot)
Hey cuties! This is sort of a ‘throw back saturday’ or ‘flash back weekend’ type update, hehe. #laterblog
Last summer I was extremely lucky, ’cause I got to see one of my favourite bands perform. Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros ❤ The gig was at the beach, which made it even more perfect ❤ I filmed a lot that day, because I knew it was a special one. But I never got around to editing everything together. UNTIL NOW! yay!
It was a really fun day, and I think you can really tell that it was in the video =) But I do want to note that a day like this is very, very, VERY rare for me these days. It took me several weeks of preparing before; resting a lot, not planning too many other outings, takings painkillers during the day, showering the day before, etc, etc. I was in a lot of pain before, during and after the concert, but I pushed myself to stay there, and to try and enjoy it while it was happening. Which was hard, so I’m very thankful that I made a lot of videos, because they help me relive the experience, without feeling the amount of pain that I was in =)
Afterwards I was absolutely exhausted, and I don’t even really remember how long it took me to recover. I think I showered three days after? Something like that? Those recovery bits are always a blur in my mind, so I’m not sure.
So yeah, gigs are not easy for me, and I wanted to remind everyone of that. Because somehow people always think you’re cured when they see that you’re smiling and/or happy. (oh how I wish that were true tho, hehe) Some days are just worth all the pain and trouble, and this one definitely was. So without any further reminders of my pain and agony,here it isssss <3333
For the past couple of posts I’ve been looking back at therapies I’ve had, the ideas behind them, and how I feel about them now. You can read ‘How I got ill’ and ‘Pacing’ at those links. Right now, I’m going to delve into GET.
Pacing is all about not putting too much pressure on your body. Always staying well below your body’s limitations and doing about 50% of what you are capable of doing. It is about resting your body, and giving it the time and space it needs te recover. To completely counter that, therapists also recommend GET, or Graded Exercise Therapy. This is the exercise or fitness bit of therapy for CFS/me.
It’s a fairly simple concept. You pick any exercise of your choice, start slow for a short amount of time, and slowly increase your time/weight/etc. The idea is that this will not put too much extra stress on your body. But you are still working up your strength and stamina.
(please note again how pacing was about not doing too much, while this talks about constantly increasing what you are doing. Yup. Makes total sense. Nothing confusing about these things. Okay. Moving on.)
This summer Kevin and I went to the Veluwe. We rented a wheelchair bike, and saw how beautiful our country can be. It was absolutely perfect, because the heather was in full bloom and there were purple carpets all through the forest. So magical ❤
Unfortunately my camera had some trouble with the film, so the first few shots were all accidental double exposures. They turned out kinda pretty tho, so I ain’t mad.